Through an alleged emo's eyes
by t3h maniac
Summary: The events of the game as seen by Vincent Valentine and Chaos, rated T for Chaos' attitude and language in later chapters, chapter 8 is up! bye bye Wutai.
1. isolation

**Through an (alleged) Emo's eyes**

Summary: The Game of Final fantasy VII Through Vincent's eyes **as well as that sexy demon chaos' mental awesomeness, I am awesome!** Apologies, It seems Chaos is writing his own part. **Damn Straight!** sigh, this could be a long time

Disclaimer: I do not own Chaos, Vincent, any FF character or location **Or yo' momma**

Shut up Chaos! **Make me!** face palm

Vincent's P.O.V Chaos is in Bold

**Chapter 1, Isolation**

It had been a lonely 25 years, since it happened, and for every day of every year I have remained here. Surrounded by the evidence of my sins **And locked in a coffin for the past 25 years.** Chaos, if you continue to interrupt my atonement I swear that my next sin will be raiding a laboratory to find something so I can finally get rid of you. **Suit yourself emo. **

…

What did you just call me?

**An emo. **

What in the world is an emo?

**Well… emos are whiny little social retards that seem to punish themselves a lot for a bunch of random shit that they had nothing to do with or couldn't stop. Or something that is totally their fault.**

How am I an emo?

**Do you have long black hair?**

Yes…

**Does it cover your face slightly?**

Yes…

**Do you blame yourself for a lot of things?**

Chaos, you've been sharing my body for the past 25 years, you should know all of these things by now!

**I'll take that as a yes, next question. Do you have a gun and or sharp object**

Well, yes!

**Then you are 100 emo. If you couldn't regenerate you would be slitting your wrists by now.**

Shut up.

**Hey, I didn't want to be stuck in this body, let alone this casket**

It's a coffin.

**Whatever, I'll give you back your inside monologue now if it means so much to you**

Thank you. Now as I was saying, it has been 25 years since I failed to protect the one I loved, failed to stop an abomination from happening… **And failed to stop whining like an emo.** Chaos!

I was shot by a man named Professor Hojo at the beginning of the Jenova project. Back then of course, I was a normal human. Part of the Turks, no, the best of the Turks. I was assigned to supervise them yet I fell in love and had my heart shattered. **Yada yada yada. Shut up. I hear something going on.**

Such as?

**A fire, ooooh, they're having a witch hunt! Can we go see?**

No

**Meh, too big for a witch burning, actually most of the town seems to bee on fire**

So? This does not concern us

**It could be your big chance to atone for your sins by helping others**

…Your right! Wait, when did you start caring?

**Because I'm bored! I've had to spend the past 25 years playing eye spy with Galian Beast, Hellmasker and Blood Gigas and the only thing to see is wood!**

…

**You locked the basement door and hid the key in the safe didn't you**

Yes.

**Oh well, might as well wait to see if anyone shows up or whether or not Lost Number scares them off.**

I set him there to protect the world from us

**Suit yourself emo. I on the other hand could kill for some fresh air**

Which is why there is no chance of you getting any.

**Damn emo.**

* * *

A/N: So what do you think? Good start or not? If there is interest this will be continued 


	2. awakening

**Through an alleged Emo's Eyes**

**Chapter 2: Awakening**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any FF7 registered thingies that I could be sued for saying I own which I don't

Remember, Chaos is in bold

**Bored, so very bored. Hey I'm Chaos! A being of ultimate destruction and general kick-ass looks, strength and so forth. However I'm stuck in an emo's body because some slut this idiot fell in love with injected me into him while he was being experimented on. Kinky. **

**Bottom line is I've been stuck in a godforsaken coffin for the past 30 years because this idiot emo locked us in the basement!**

**If I wasn't dependent on his body I swear I would kill him. But anyway, now I can sense a presence, one I have not sensed for 5 years.**

**Apparently this Sephiroth guy (who is that sluts son and from what I've gathered using the internet was a whore himself) has made his return, maybe he'll let me out of this coffin. Hell I'd rip his throat out if he didn't. **Chaos?

**What?**

Two things; one, stop calling Luceria a slut and a whore.

**What's two?**

Why is it that you are the one with the internal monologue now? You hated the fact that I had one.

**I got really bored so I started watching this show called Scrubs. Its really funny.**

Wait, how can you watch TV in my own head?

**I've managed to hook up my awesomeness and channel that power into creating a 8 megabyte broadband connection to the internet which only I can access**

You do know what the internet is for right.

**Duh. That's what has keeping me occupied the last 20 odd years, it's a shame I don't have a physical form currently, because after some of the stuff I've seen, well. You'll be grateful that the slut made your claw have a vibrate function!**

She did what? Why?

**Apparently the Scientist wasn't… as precise in bed as she would have liked and she needed to get satisfaction somehow.**

That is just disgusting!

**I'm just messing with you.**

Git.

**Emo.**

…

**But your claw does have a vibrate function**

Shut up I hear the door being unlocked.

**Really? At last! Salvation!**

Isn't that an overly religious term for use by the embodiment of evil?

**Shut up.**

"Okay Cloud this is just creepy, we got the materia, lets get out of here!"

**Mm, sounds young and delicious.**

"Something important must be in here if they left the key in the safe" **Man voice, boring!**

I thought you swung that way Chaos.

**WHAT? **

Just saying.

**I AM NOT GAY!**

I never said you were, although I never could determine your gender, so for all I know now, you could very well be a lesbian demon.

**Just Shut up!**

Your right, it _is_ fun to torture things

**Damn emo.**

Hmm, never noticed how badly lit this basement was, oh well. "Who dares disturb my atonement?"

**Hmm, three of them. One man, one little Wutanise girl, fairly attractive, from the clothes I'd say a future exhibitionist, possible legal and one WHOA! **

Whoa what?

**Have you _seen_ the size of those melons?!**

Whose?

**The chick on the right!**

Can't say I have the same attraction to them, they can't be real.

**Why don't you get her to prove it to you?**

That would just add to my list of sins.

**Damn it Vincent! There is a young women in her early twenties with a bigger than Double D chest and you're still worried about your atonement? What in my name is wrong with you!**

**---**

**So suffice to say there was this long drawn out conversation, apparently they know about the slut's son and have some sort of score to settle. **

I'm not going with them.

**Say what?**

My burdens must be mine alone

**For crying out loud!**

What they do is none of my concern

**What if they meet up with Hojo again?**

Huh?

**If they're pursuing that geek's son then maybe you can get your chance to get back at him for stealing the slut from you. By the way, how did a geek like him score a chick like that?**

…

**Vincent?**

She had… weird desires.

**Oh.**

…

…

"Wait! If you promise that we will run into Hojo, I will go with you"

"Really?"

"Yes, as a former Turk my skills may be of use to you"

"Then welcome aboard Vincent"

A/N: Okay I couldn't remember the Cloud/Vincent Dialogue, don't shoot me for it

Please Review


	3. Exploration

**Through An alleged emo's eyes.**

**Chapter 3, Introductions and Explorations**

Disclaimer: Same as it ever was

A/N: I'm back baby!

* * *

I do not remember there ever being a reactor atop Mt. Nibel, neither have I known the area to be so barren and desolate. It was as I said to the group I have joined, Nibelheim was the beginning of their nightmares.

Both Cloud **that's the guy with the blond spikes,** and Tifa **the top-heavy martial artist who I think is spike's girlfriend,** Chaos?

**Yeah?**

Shut up.

**Whiney emo.**

As I was thinking, the two seemed to take extreme caution when crossing the bridge, apparently they both have bad experiences here, the scenery is unsettling to say the least and it seems to be effecting some of the more… delicate members of the group slightly.

**Please, they're not afraid. Well maybe that teen who calls herself a ninja maybe but she's not showing any sign of it. She seems as hyper-active and as cheery as ever.**

She hides her true emotions well, something is troubling her.

**The voice of experience there.**

What is that supposed to mean?

**You're the one who is hiding his true emotions from the world, locking yourself in your own shield of guilt and self-pity. It could be the reflection of you in her eyes.**

…

**Too harsh?**

…

**Hey, emo king! Back up your ideas, we got some more monsters headed our way!**

Yet more of these blasted bugs?

**Damn, they seem to be all over this mountain!**

Lock on… and fire!

**Still haven't lost that killing instinct have you Vincent? Or is that mine you're borrowing?**

Shut up!

**Ooh, sore spot!**

The other members have taking care of the rest

**Your telling me! Have you noticed that the fighter in the leather skirt seems to flash her panties every time she does a high kick? Must be one hell of a last view!**

You disgust me.

**Bite me.**

…

**And its not just her who's hogging all the looks, I mean the girl in that pink dress has some nice hips, and the teen? Just look at those legs going all the way up to those short skirts. These women know how to flaunt it.**

Chaos, the images you are giving me are very disturbing to say the least. Secondly, if I was to get an erection when observing just one of those three, I would either have my gentiles smashed in by a staff, be given serious internal bleeding problems as well as loosing all of my teeth, and finally have my limbs systematically removed and then scattered!

**Wuss.**

…

---

After several hours of exploring, taking any objects of worth the area may have, we encountered the materia keeper. It was a tough battle to be sure, the first move made by Cloud was to use his enemy skills materia to cast Aqua lung, an attack which seemed moderately effective. Barret unloaded several thousand bullets to the beast, but it launched an unknown magic at us. The yellow enemy skills materia resonated with the spell which gave all of us a shock. Then for me it all went black.

**That's because Galian Beast took over and really tore into that scorpion thing. O mean seriously kicked its butt.**

Thank you for that colourful analogy Chaos.

**No problem.**

Note to self: Get Chaos to choose a different host.

**Don't you like me Vincent?**

No.

**You're mean!**

Why oh why did I get stuck with a sarcastic demon?


	4. Fatman attack

**Through an alleged emo's eyes Revival!**

**Chapter4. Attack of the Fat Man**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything SE owns, unless I was SE which I am not.

A/N: Haven't done this in a long time. I blame writers block for my old works causing me to start new stories

**

* * *

It's a Hard knock life for us**

**It's a Hard knock life for us…**

Chaos, why are you singing that?

**I need something to take my mind away from the facts that there are 3 smoking hot girls travelling with us and you won't give me control of the body.**

If I gave you control of the body the world would be in flames.

**But you'd technically be getting laid!**

Hmm.

**Please?**

No. From what I've seen they are brilliant fighters and I do not want my balls different colour

**Wait a minute, what colours?**

Black and Blue

**Oh. Kinky.**

There really is no discouraging you is there

**Not a chance**

What is that up ahead?

**Dunno but it looks like a giant…**

Stop that sentence right now.

…**I was going to say rocket…**

No you weren't

**Was too!**

I'm not getting into an argument with you about this

**Was too!**

Sigh.

We approached the disused structure to find a village surrounding it, apparently this was all that was left from the Shinra space program which I didn't even know had existed.

**Well it don't exist now.**

Thank you for that Chaos.

**No Problem!**

As I was saying the designated leader seemed to be one named the "captain" by the inhabitants. Cloud decided to explore, after obtaining a new sword from a local and purchasing a shotgun for me to replace the Sniper CR we discovered an old plane.

**I'll take over from here, we found it, the Ninja suggested we steal it which I was for and now some bitch in a lab coat tells us that we gotta talk to the captain in the wang.**

I knew you were going to say it!

**So maybe I was.**

Yes well now were climbing this godforsaken ladder

**Which I hate.**

We both hate it Chaos.

**But I hated it first**

You don't have to _climb _it!

**Right so where is this "Captain" guy anyway?**

"Excuse me, are you the captain?" **Trust Cloud to be so blunt**

"The name's Cid Highwind kid."

"What's this rocket about?"

"Well your quick for some people, you see back when Shinra was a weapons company they made lots of stuff during that pointless war"

Did Yuffie just frown at that?

"Anyway they made this Rocket, and they chose the best pilot, me to be the one to launch it. But that $$&ing Shera messed up the launch then they became so anal about the space program. And as soon as they found Mako to be profitable, well…"

**Sucks to be him.**

"But all that's about to change! Rufus is coming here to reinstate the program"

"The President is coming here?" Cloud seems concerned, I heard that they are enemies of the Shinra so they may be caught here if they are not careful.

"Yup!"

"Can we borrow the Tiny bronco?"

"$&£ No!"

**Well it was worth trying. Might as well take Yuffie's idea and steal the thing. Wait, who's the fat-ass?**

"Hey-hey!"

"Palmer! When's the space program being set up?"

"I don't know"

"Agh! You fat piece of crap!"

"Don't say 'fat'"

Well that was interesting…

…**might as well leave this dump**

Yeah.

**Oh shit.**

What?

**You agreed with me twice in one day, that's a sign of the apocalypse!**

…

**Just messing with you emo.**

Stop calling me that.

**Vincent, we got problems.**

What sort of problems?

**The shit load of SOLDIERS outside who want to kill us**

Can I even die?

**Not sure but the women can and I am not being a necro!**

Right, best to steal the plane

**Oh no, fatty's got it**

"Security!" **like that's going to help him**

Okay, compared to Materia keeper, this guy was a walkover, all he had was his gun and that didn't do much. Yuffie threw her new twin viper that she got in the mansion. It struck him in the head, bounced off and then hit a control panel in the Tiny bronco.

**Come on Indiana Jones reference! It missed? And now he's running away!**

He's in my sights, I can stop him getting anywhere.

**Watch out for that truck!**

What truck?

Ouch that had to hurt.

**All aboard the plane then.**

The journey in the skies was an unpleasant one, the youngest in our group did not travel well in the skies.

**You're telling me! I swear she puked on Rufus!**

Yes… unfortunately the plane was shot down and we were forced to make an emergency landing in the seas, we can use it as a boat and Cid has joined us but… what's with _her_?

"How about we go west? No, no reason at all"

**What is she up to?**


	5. Betrayal

**Through an alleged memo's eyes.**

**Chapter5- betrayal**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Final Fantasy VII, quit asking me.**

**A/N: And its back. I've decided to put "To kill a red head" on Hiatus due to writers block for it. But not for this though **

**---**

**Planes suck. That's all I can say at this moment. We try to make are getaway but one measly bullet hit's the tail and we crash land into the ocean. ONE FUCKING BULLET! That damn cat can take more hits than that! Maybe we should have used it as a shield. Anyway, the foul mouthed smoker known as Cid has joined our ranks and has already set the record for the most uses of the word 'fuck' in 1 hour. **

**Planes suck.**

Could you please come out of your cursing rampage before I try to gouge out my inner ear?

**Okay. Baby memo. The girls can't stand it, one of them is puking her guts out and the stench should have led Shinar to us by now.**

Land?

**Where?**

There.

**Land! Oh how I missed your sandy beaches, desolate mountains and… where are we?**

"So this is the Wutai continent, I've never seen it before."

**Thanks for that Cloud, so we're near Wutai. I thought we were searching for the temple of the ancients? Or has chocobo head got a soft touch for a teenage girl?**

Shut up

**I bet she has a crush on you Vincent**

What person could love a monster like me?

**I dunno. Maybe some one who likes it really rough.**

Say what?

**Never mind.**

…

**And we are back to '…', that's being very childish you know.**

…

**And we've landed, Its good to have a host who is not wobbling about on a plane in the ocean. And it seems someone agrees with me**

What makes you say that?

**Yuffie is spread out rolling around in the sand.**

Stop being a pervert. I have no interest in what you find pleasing to look at, nor that hyper-active ninja wannabe.

"Wait! WAIT!!!"

Sigh, what does she want this time?

"The path up ahead is very dangerous"

"What are you up too Yuffie…"

"Nothing I swear!"

I'm not buying a word of this either

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

**The me?**

Shinra grunts? What are they doing here?!

"Yuffie! What's going on?!"

"I don't know. This one isn't my fault!"

"So you were planning something!"

"umm…err…bye!" **She just ran off!**

"Hey wait, these are the guys from before!" What? They weren't looking specifically for us?

"What do we do with them?"

"Take them in, we'll probably get a bonus for it!"

**Don't these guys ever learn? A quick beta should sort this out.**

There may be a slight problem with that plan Chaos

**What?**

I don't have the Enemy skills materia on me currently

**Oh. Shit.**

The battle took longer than expected, seeing as none of us could cast any magic. Although the squadron used gas bombs to send Cloud to sleep they quickly succumbed to Tifa's fists

**Fists of fury!**

Quite.

"Hey! All our material's gone!"

**Way to point out the obvious**

"Yuffie took them?"

"I'm soooo angry!"

**Uh oh. She has just invoked the wrath of the maiden with the staff and a martial arts princess. **

And me.

**Wait, what?**

She betrayed us all Chaos.

**But…**

No buts. She will pay for what she has done.

**You starting to sound like the old me…**

What?

**Nothing, go on your little side-quest for vengeance**

Listen, without the materia, we are for all intents and purposes fucked.

**Okay, I get it!**

Chaos?

**Shut up you emo.**

**---**

**A/N: Wutai is next up so stay tuned and review!**


	6. Hunting

**Through an alleged Emo's Eyes, chapter 6**

**Ninja hunting.**

**A/N: I'm back, I haven't updated this in a long time but I'm back and so is Chaos. _WOOT!_**

Chaos stop ignoring the question

**What question?**

Why are you so protective of her?

**I am not!**

You're one of the few in the group who does not want to kill her, I would have thought that you'd jump at the chance to kill something.

**Don't think you know me Valentine!**

I believe I have touched a nerve here.

**Shut up.**

Cid wants to tear her limb from limb, Barret is planning on shooting her on sight, even the normally benevolent Aeris is angry at her.

**Then why don't we just turn around and leave her, she was the one who wanted to travel with us.**

Chaos, do you… like her?

**WHAT?!**

I'll take that as a yes then

**NO! Well kind of, she has got amazing legs and hips and I would love to make it so she couldn't walk.**

Forget I asked.

**Look, I'm trying to single out potential bed-mates. Its been 30 years since you last had sex and if your ever going to get over that dead bitch, you're going to have to sleep with someone else.**

You disgust me, and here I was thinking you were being kind.

**Kind? Me? Never.**

I thought not.

**So where the hell are we, we've been travelling for hours and this is the second rickety bridge today. I do not like bridges that give indication of snapping while being crossed!**

Not to mention the difficulty of facing enemies without the materia

**Again with the materia, you're becoming too dependant on that stuff the planet crapped out.**

…

**And we are right back with the dots**

I see civilisation

**Where?**

It's the one with all the Wutain styles

**You mean Wutai?**

Of course I mean Wutai!

**No need to shout Vincent**

Then Leave

**What part of 'I'm stuck in your head for life' do you not understand**

…

"EEK!"

**Wow that was easy. Maybe she wants to have stuff done to her?**

If I could mentally puke I would be doing so by now

**You know you want to do it**

No, you want to do it.

**True.**

…

"After her!"

"Give us back are Materia!"

"Come back here you $£&ing brat!"

"What he £$&ing said!"

"Get back here Yuffie!"

**Groan, like that is going to help**

She just got away.

**I can see can't I?**

Where do you think she'd go?

**Well, she's a thief, so where do thieves go?**

A safe house?

**Bingo!**

"Better check if she's robbed anymore of the places here"

**Idiots.**

Where there's materia…

**Listen, this place is as backwater as you can get, there are no materia stores here, after the war there was a complete clampdown on that sort of thing. Weapons are hand-crafted here so Shinra don't see them arming themselves too quickly, and its not like Lord Godo even wants a war.**

How do you know these things?

**Internet.**

…

**Hey a treasure chest! What are the odds?**

Knowing our luck, quite high.

**Oh great, Spike gets the lion's share of the goodies, bastard.**

"(Obtained MP Absorb Materia)"

**The hell? Did a banner just come up telling us what happened?**

I sense someone moving in the shadows.

**Wait. Yuffie?**

"(Yuffie Stole MP absorb materia)"

**WTF? It happened again!**

She dropped down in front of me…

**Her ass was _this_ close to your face.**

Shut up Chaos.

_**This**_** close!**

Shut up!

_**This!**_

SHUT UP!

**No need to scream in your own head.**

I despise you.

**Thank you Vincent.**

…

**---**

**So what's this place on the search list?**

Godo's mansion.

**Might as well take a look around, a big place like this in a ninja village must have all sorts of hiding spots.**

Agreed

**Hey whose the fat bastard?**

Lord Godo

**Oh**

"Hey have you seen a girl named Yuffie around?"

"There is no Yuffie in Wutai"

"Really? We followed her here"

"I know no-one of that name"

**Liar**

"Are you sure?"

"YES! THERE IS NO YUFFIE HERE! Now if you are an enemy of Shinra, please leave. Wutai cannot afford another confrontation"

**Wimp.**

"Hah!"

What?

"You loose one war and you gave up everything! All of our honour!"

"Like you would know anything about honour you thief, you're a disgrace of a daughter!"

"And you're a sad excuse for a father too!"

**I think we interrupted a family moment there.**

Yuffie is Lord Godo's son?

"She's a princess?" **Way to point out the obvious, spike!**

**---**

**A/N: Its been a long time and I'm handling way too many stories ATM so it may be a long time before we see anymore chapters for this**


	7. To steel it

**Through an alleged Emo's eyes**

**To steel it**

**Finally back to this story. Here goes… something.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FF7 okay? Stop bothering me.**

**---**

**Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into Valentine**

Shut up.

**We are now busy hunting the princess of Wutai, most of us out for blood _in_ the country that she's going to grow up to rule.**

Can you just focus on finding her?

**Sure I can, its just it'll be such a relief to finally be rid of you.**

Say what?

**You'll be hanged for this me laddo. They'll throw the book at you, then the bookcase and then the library, brick by brick.**

…

**Maybe they'll get bored and then sever your head off… unless of course…**

One of you takes control of my body and we break out leaving the rest for dead?

**How can you say that? I would never leave them all for dead! it's a waste of two perfect pairs of breasts. Well one huge pair and one decent sized. Both are good for me.**

So save the girls, screw the rest?

**More like save the girls and screw them!**

You sicken me.

**You wouldn't have me any other way. Besides, I've lost count at the number of fantasies you've had where you end up diving into that canyon. **

I have those dreams still?

**Yeah, although we the demons feel your not mature enough to see that kind of stuff so we placed a Valentine filter. You can't see any X rated dreams until you move on from the dead chick. But back to the princess before the dots.**

Now where is she hiding?

**Maybe in the moving pot?**

…

**Vincent?**

Of course she's in the pot. Pot's don't normally move by themselves.

**Magic pots say otherwise.**

There's no such thing.

**There is. Trust me on this.**

Cloud knows she's in there, he wants us to trap her. By closing off each exit.

**So how's he going to get her out?**

He just punched the pot.

**Idiot, he's going to break his hand.**

And again…

**And out pops the Ninja! Got you now little girl.**

"Alright, you got me."

That was too easy.

**Like I said, perhaps she wants to be interrogated by us.**

Including the girls?

**She could be bi.**

…

**She Could!**

What has given you the indications that she may be bisexual?

**Well for starts she acts kind of tomboyish, and although she seems to have a crush on Cloud she also gave similar looks to Tifa and Aeris.**

Those two were hanging off Cloud's arm at the time weren't they.

**There's still a possibility.**

So this is her house? I thought she would have lived with Godo.

**Perhaps she moved out because she couldn't stand him.**

"Yuffie, give us back the materia."

Is she crying?

**Crocodile tears.**

"Its changed a lot since the war…"

Huh?

"This place, it used to be a major power, until the Shinra came."

"Yuffie, just give it back."

"You've seen what it is now, just some cheesy resort town. I thought that if I stole enough materia I could fight back against them. Bring Wutai back to its former glory."

**How touching. She's telling the truth now. I thought she was about to lead us into a trap.**

Whatever the reasons, it doesn't change what she did.

"Yuffie… look. If you give it back, we'll call it even okay?"

**Mister diplomacy in action.**

" The…the left lever, pull it."

**Yep he's not falling for it at all, he's going for the right lever. 1...2...3...and… WHAT THE HELL? Who keeps a steel cage in their house.**

Apparently Yuffie does.

"Nah! Should have listened to me. The materia is all mine now, if you want it back, you gotta steel it. Steel it. Get it? Steel? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

**Cloud stop being an idiot and flick the switch again!**

"Wait, if that was the right lever, then what the hell does the left one do?"

**Another cage?!**

This is getting tiresome.

**Okay, if she gets away from us one more time I'm all for calling it quits.**


	8. end of the orient

**Through an alleged emo's eyes**

**End of the Orient**

**This is going to be the last one of the Wutai side-quest I hope. I'm not going to do the Pagoda straight afterwards, I'm saving that bit for later. Also this marks the fact that this is my second most popular story (by nuber of hits.) Yay!**

**---**

**This is getting tiresome.**

Agreed.

**Holy me! Did you just agree with me again?**

No, you indent to give up the chase, I intend to continue it even though it is beginning to wear my patience thin.

**Really? I thought it was only me who could do that?**

Shut up.

**Make me emo.**

…

**Did you notice that the archway to that bell thing is no longer block.**

Your point?

**I can make 15 innuendos out of that.**

…

**You love me really.**

No I don't, you are a pervert, a sadist. Something that only looks out for its own goals with blatant disregard for all others. I despise you and as soon as I can find a way to rid myself of you I will do it. If it also ends in my death then it'll be a suitable punishment for my sins and worth it.

**Ouch. That was really cold you know Vincent. That really hurt me!**

Me. Despising you. Stop talking.

**Well so much for the guilt trip plan.**

Why would I go on a guilt trip for hurting a demon's feelings?

**Well you seem to go on one for every other little thing. Like that scientific slut Lucy. Or the fact that if you woke up 5 years earlier we wouldn't be in this situation. Or even the fact that you got shot in the gut by Hojo sends you on a trip down regret road.**

…

**Hey, Gaia to Vincent. Strife just found us a secret door by ringing the bell.**

How would the ringing of a giant bell open a secret door?

**This is a ninja village Vince, _everything _is a potential secret passageway.**

But it is also a samurai village which does not rely on such trickery.

**Look. If it has ninjas, there's going to be secret rooms. Even if other class types such as monks or samurais are also shipped out.**

Movement.

**Hah, looks like we found her, good thing your bat hearing allows you to hear through secret doors once they've been revealed!**

There are people with her though, this could be another trap.

**So we go in all guns blazing, that'll scare the shit out of any welcoming committee.**

Open sesame then.

"HEY!! LET ME GO YOU PERV!"

Yuffie?

"You!"

**Who?**

"Cloud? Ah, glad you could make it, since you spoiled my previous chance with the two lovely ladies."

**Oooooh, he just got death glared by both Tifa and Aeris.**

Previous experiences?

**Nah, what would fatty over there have to do with Tifa and Aeris?**

"What have you done with Yuffie Don Coerno?"

**SAY WHAT?**

What are you getting so excited about?

**That guy over there is a pimp, apparently he owned nearly all of Wall Market before he got busted by Shinra for being a rat… and I just figured out why Aeris and Tifa just gave him a death glare along with Cloud.**

I don't understand

**Pimp, girls who have a personal grudge against him, add two and two together Vincent.**

Oh.

**Hey wait a minute… He's got Yuffie and Blondie from the bar! After him!**

Is this a wanting to get this over and done with?

**No its just I wanted to be the one to de-flower that virgin. Shit, if that guy's going to be her first time she'd probably turn lesbian.**

You sicken me.

**Actually a lesbian ninja would be pretty damn hot if we could get footage of it. Or maybe we do… to the dreams storage!**

Chaos? Okay he's gone, thankfully.

We had to side with the current Turks as their ally was also kidnapped. We searched the Dao-Cho mountain in search for the two until we found them.

Strung up, in their underwear to one of the statue's eyes.

**For a piece of rock it sure is getting a lot of action.**

Why did you return?

**No ninja lesbian orgy, it must have happened but only stealthily.**

…

**Like ninjas.**

…

**Hey Yuffie's in her underwear, this is too higher rating for you. Valentine filter, activate!**

And now I see them fully clothed

**Yeah, about that. Turns out they were and you were just imagining them in their panties.**

Add another sin to the list.

**Come on Vincent, if your mentally undressing women then you are on the path to recovery.**

…

**Okay, Vincent, time to snap out of it, we got a big flying thing heading straight for us.**

The monster known only as RAPPS attacked viciously, launching several strikes at Barret knocking him out cold. A special gust of wind sent Cloud to his knees and without the materia, we had to rely merely on potions to survive. Fortunately Aeris had been able to cast a different spell similar to that which healed us before against the materia keeper, it filled Cloud and Tifa with energy, but as for me, it made me lose my grip on consciousness.

**Because at that moment, Death Gigas took complete control of the body, sending sparks through that flying lizard. He got a few scared looks from Aeris but then again, he _is_ someone with a lot of scars and neck bolts. Also that little energy surge? It gave Cloud the ability to launch some sort of energy beam at it and Tifa just launched into it with a fury of blows. Needless to say, it got its ass kicked before Vincent regained control.**

I hate it when that happens.

**Meh, you'll get used to it.**

"Whoa whoa, let's not be so hasty here. What do you lot think a guy like me feels at this point. A, he's given up all hope. B, he's certain of victory or C, because he doesn't know what's going on?"

**It's A! pick A! Pick A you stupid chocobo head!**

"Is it C?"

**Do'h!**

"Wrong!"

**Told you.**

"EEEEK"

And now there upside down.

"All I have to do is hit this button and we'll have SQUAHED TOMATOS!"

**Awful, just awful. Vincent after 5 pints can do better than that!**

"Not so fast."

"Stay….Stay back Turks!"

_BANG_

**Hey this red-head has the right idea.**

"So what do you think a guy like me feels about having to team up with these jokesters? Why do you think we did it?"

"Because you're certain of victory?"

"Wrong."

**Ouch, how far down do you think fatty fell?**

"The correct answer was 'because its our job' ."

---

**And that is it for Wutai, back to the main storyline next I promise.**


End file.
